new management

Had my first 1:1 with my new manager today, and things are looking really promising. High probability of interesting work, with a lovely dose of breathing room first.

seven in nine

Finished the whole Harry Potter series in nine days. Lots of fun to read it all at once, and not bad time-wise, considering that it included a four day work week.

dreaming again

It seems that with the decrease in stress, my weird dreams and odd sleep talking have returned, much to our amusement. Combat ice dancing, anyone?

woof

Sleep barking dog.

no brass rings

I grew up in a tiger parent household, always trying to get the best grades, win all the competitions, get into the best schools, all to set myself up for the best life. Once I left home for college, however, I started having doubts about what "the best life" really meant. My classmates all wanted to get consulting or investment banking jobs, but the jobs sounded awful to me. Without much sense of what it was I really wanted to do, I went to law school, and continued to avoid the competition for the best grade, the most exclusive clerkship, the job at the most hardcore firm. I ended up at a firm after graduation, but quickly realized that it just wasn't right for me, and that the brass ring that everyone chased after at the firm -- partnership -- was just like the brass rings people had chased in college and law school. It was something that people wanted because they were supposed to want it, and I just didn't. I left to go to Switzerland, where I worked for an NGO no one had ever heard of, spending 40 hours a week working on something I thought mattered and made a difference in people's lives. It was great. After doing that for a few years, I moved back to the States, taking another non-standard job that was very exciting for me (but still different from what my classmates were doing). I was very happy, I worked on a lot of different things, and after a few years, I eagerly transitioned over to supporting our research group, where all of the ideas are weird and crazy, and some of them are potentially brilliant.

I was extremely happy, and I proudly told myself that this was the result of making conscious decisions to ignore the brass rings that everyone else wanted, and just do things that I wanted to do. I loved it.

Over two years passed, and I was drowning. Boyfriend and I both worked in the same group and it got so busy that we rarely made it home before dark, and struggled to keep our vacation days from maxing out. I had vicious headaches and constant heartburn. I started dreaming about work. My personality started changing, and I started disliking myself. But I had the coolest job! I knew it, having done it for two years, and everyone else always told me it was the coolest job. If you have the coolest job, all other jobs are less cool, and you don't leave the coolest job for something less cool, even if you're waking up in the middle of the night, not sure if it was the nightmare or the heartburn that woke you up.

And I finally realized that even though I was doing something off the beaten path, something that none of my classmates (with whom I refused to compete) were doing, and even though I started doing it because I loved it, I had somehow turned my job into some kind of brass ring, and despite all of my conscious efforts to avoid chasing brass rings, I was holding one and refusing to let it go, even though it was making me do all the things I had always scornfully said I wouldn't do: giving up my personal life for work, letting my work change my personality, making me cry in frustration at my desk after everyone had left or in the bathroom if people were still around.

When I finally admitted that to myself and reminded myself that I don't do brass rings, I screwed up my courage and changed to something closer to where my heart is: international work and non-profits, with the added bonus of having a personal life outside of work. It was an incredibly hard decision to make (this particular brass ring was much harder to turn my back on than the others in the past, and most of my coworkers seem surprised by the change), but I'm already starting to see improvements. I get home earlier. I have vacations planned. I'm nicer to myself and to others.

So this was a big lesson for me. I don't do brass rings, they are really bad for me, and I've always known that. What I didn't know until now is that not all brass rings are readily apparent, and that makes them hard to identify and avoid. Once you have a brass ring, it is really hard to give it up, but for me, if I'm not loving it, giving it up is the right thing to do.

pottering along

Two days in, 3.3 books down. Work will slow me down this week, but maybe I can get through the whole series in nine days? It's good to have fun goals.

wwii in color

The History Channel aired a 10-part documentary about WWII with lots of astonishing original footage that was shot in color. I told TiVo to record it on a whim, although I usually prefer to read about the war than watch documentaries (which are so often quite dry and suck all the humanity out of it), but this series is totally engrossing.

what to do

Long weekend, and managed to get a bunch of things done during the week, including lots of booking details for the upcoming trip. What to do now? Start reading Harry Potter from the very beginning.

7/8

As of tomorrow, I'll have taken seven out of the past eight Fridays off work. I could get used to this, but I'm going to cut myself off in June before the charm turns into an addiction. It has been an amazing sanity booster and a good lesson on unplugging and realizing that work is important, but boundaries are important, too.

the long goodbye

I sent my goodbye email to one of my teams yesterday. It was bittersweet, because I've worked so closely with them and really got to know some of them well. It's a little hard to let go, even as I breathe a huge sigh of relief over this first step towards my current future of choice.

today i learned

My dog apparently had never seen a balloon before today, and I guess if you've never seen one before, it could be a terrifying surprise?

yawn

Here's to taking Friday off, turning off work email, staying home, reading on the couch, then taking a three hour nap with the dog.

contrast

Cold feet (mine), warm thighs (his). Bliss (mine), torment (his).

google shopping express

Free same day delivery means that I can have all the maple bacon chips I want, whenever I want, without leaving the house. Nom.

pop

When you pop a zit that didn't seem ready, and it delivers beyond expectations.

business or pleasure

Both! Going to London in June for work, then spending a long weekend there catching up with my all-time favorite travel buddy. Can't wait.

oh deer

Deer hang out at our house frequently (it was the first thing that charmed me when we came to see it, and they regularly graze in our yard or block our driveway), but I still get excited every time I see them.

tis the season

Artichokes were 99¢ each at the store the other day.

end of tunnel

Things might start getting better in a little less than two weeks. In order to keep hanging in there as long as possible and use up some vacation days, I've been taking sanity days, and there really is something amazing about random three day weekends with no email, no goals, and no activities.

overdue

Got my first real haircut since June! I usually manage to get in every 4-5 months, which is already pushing it, but 10 was way too long.

chef

I believe I have figured out how to make the perfect bacon mac and grilled cheese sandwich. It is probably as unhealthy as it sounds, but that's half of the appeal.

rediscovered

Surprise taste of my childhood! My manager is from Philly, and brought these to a meeting today. I haven't had them in years, and they are still totally yummy.

taxes

Paying them really doesn't bother me, and getting them done is always satisfying, so it's a net positive for me, despite the financial impact.

import

Friend in Switzerland sent me two more bars of surprise chocolate. They always seem to arrive when I need them most.

it gets better

Made it home before 9 almost every night this week! And it's going to get better pretty soon, I think.

wild and crazy

I did two social things on weeknights last week: trivia night and a birthday dinner with a coworker. I can't remember the last time I did that, and it felt kind of crazy.

small world

Went to birthday drinks for Boyfriend's friend yesterday, and ran into a college acquaintance I haven't seen in fourteen years, bringing back fun memories of South America.

framed

Finally borrowed a truck a brought back two framed pieces from the shop (and some outdoor furniture, too).

gimme a break

Sometimes a breakdown can lead to a breakthrough. I might have a good option that didn't seem possible before.

productive

Ordered furniture (after five months of putting it off, and even negotiated a discount), dropped Henry off for a bath, bought some dog toys and a couple things at REI, dropped by the library to renew my card and make a donation, picked up some stuff at Safeway (where one of the florists gave me a rose just to be nice), got a facial, bought a ton of frozen dumplings, picked up Henry, and got home in time to go to dinner with friends, followed by some YouTube video swapping.

important research

Took the day off from work, stayed home, didn't do anything special. Except for researching break dancing and beatboxing competitions. And then Boyfriend came home and we went out for soup dumplings.

meet the parents

Sometimes in my weekly calls to my parents, I get little hints into their lives outside of being parents. This week, for example, I found out about some of my dad's political career maneuvers, all hidden behind his hardworking Asian exterior.

forage

Some rice and quinoa, leftover asparagus, scraps of my mom's roast pork, and eggs laid by a coworker's chickens, all thrown together in one pot = enough fried rice for three meals.

oldest friend

Quick phone call yesterday with my oldest friend. We live very different lives now, but have so much old history together that it's still so good to catch up and hear her voice and remember everything from our third grade play to senior prom.

cavalry

New hires gradually coming up to speed, outside counsel coming on board, could there be a dim light at the end of this long tunnel?

international travel plans

Might get to visit a couple international offices to do some fun training stuff, which is a good thing, because my attempts to plan travel for personal purposes are not progressing so well.

new tricks

New things that I'm pretty sure my dog has down pat: up, off

He's also pretty good with: poop (in retrospect, I wish I had picked a command that wasn't so clear in its meaning, as I now have to march around saying "Poop! Poop!"

And his earliest commands are pretty well established now: sit, down, shake, high five, come, and potty

friday friday friday

FRIDAY!

summer is coming

Daylight Saving Time in a few days...

quick visit

College friends dropped by for dinner last night. We've known each other almost nineteen years! Several good things established: I love watching dog people play with my dog; fancy chocolate mochi are delicious; at least one pair of my friends is as committed as I am to life sans enfants.

the cat's away

Most of the product team was on a ski trip yesterday and today. Almost no meetings, quality time with my inbox, and an afternoon with coworkers, getting pedicures and drinks. Also, two days in a row of getting home at a normal time!

housekeeping

Finally got the bedroom shutters installed, and took a couple pieces in for framing. Once we order some beds, this might start looking like a place where people actually live.

special delivery

My mom dropped by on Friday with flowers and food to try to help with the headaches. Headache still persists, but at least I've been eating real meals.

seamstress

Successfully altered Henry's new fleece jacket to fit his weirdly proportioned body.

happy puppy

Henry played with another office dog for an hour this morning, was happy and playful for the rest of the day, and is now content and sleepy.

rereading

When everything else is stressful, I can at least ensure that my reading life is comforting by rereading old favorites.

crazy idea

I've been in a bit of a frantic rut lately (if that makes sense), and two days ago, I had a random, crazy idea. Some of my best decisions in the past (getting a dog, moving to Switzerland) started off as random, crazy ideas, so I'll see if this one leads to good things, as well.

team building

Helped plan a team event the other week. My two presos went well, but more importantly, the activity I picked was pretty awesome. Nothing quite like getting locked in a room with a bunch of weird puzzles to solve.

cheese

After much scrambling and weather, we managed to get the family to my house yesterday for a photo session. My mom was so happy she almost cried. The brownie points were probably worth the money and hassle.

good idea

I was wondering what I'd eat for dinner tonight after feeling terrible for days (I hate persistent headaches), and a coworker who lives in the neighborhood emailed to say she can come by later, as her daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies. Sounds about right.

therapy

That moment when a bunch of smart people admit that no one knows what they're doing is such a relief. It wasn't just me.

credit

Google Now told me last night that my mom's flight today was already delayed (she forwards us her flight confirmations, and the flight info shows up my phone). I called to tell her, and now she thinks I'm extremely thoughtful for tracking her flight status and giving her an extra hour to sleep.

back to work

No more long weekend, but I showed up to work to find flowers on my desk from one team, then plowed through a ton of stuff for two other teams.

down time

Took advantage of Boyfriend's weakened state over the weekend to plow through a Teen Mom 2 marathon. Addictive and unhealthy, and embarrassing to admit. Didn't stop us.

good monday

Surprise visit from out of town friends in Monday (a holiday) justified a lobster roll outing.

good friday

Working from home in my pajamas, friend dropping by later, three day weekend coming up.

good thursday

Boyfriend home from three nights in the hospital, project announcement went smoothly so far, and I'm not that stressed. I'm going to count this as a win.

january in california

Highs in the 70s.

just kidding

Convinced a lot of people I was pregnant with a picture taken after one of our big dinners in Tokyo. I'm still getting confused congratulations. Highlight of my year so far.

visitor

Annual visit from an old friend who lives in London happened last night.

care package

Last thing I did before leaving work late on Friday was pick up a care package from the mail room. Jaffa cakes, chocolate, and gummy candy + Friday night = good end to the week.

room set

The only thing better than coming home from work and changing into my pajamas is coming home from work on a Friday and changing into my super comfortable Japanese pajamas, strangely named "room set."

happy new year

Happy, indeed. The last couple weeks had lots of frabjousness:

• A last-minute failed test and successful resuscitation of a cranky old underwater camera strobe, just in time to take it on the trip
• A three-star meal at Sushi Mizutani in Tokyo: uni that made us forget why we don't usually like uni, needlefish, otoro to make your mouth weep
• Another three-star meal at Ryu Gin, also in Tokyo: resident owls in the waiting room, an introduction to cod milt, perfectly cooked mackerel that tasted nothing like mackerel, a tangerine dessert that was the love-child of pop rocks, sherbet, and pie
• Two nights at the Four Seasons in Tokyo, which may be the best hotel ever (lovely rooms, excellent staff, and they even bring you and your 150+ pounds of dive gear and luggage to the train platform)
• Baffling but funny ads on the train
• Two nights at the Ritz, where we could watch the sun set behind Mount Fuji
• Reunion meals with my host sister from Japan, a law school friend, and a friend from my Zurich days
• Hot ginger ale in a can from a vending machine, both strange and delicious
• A reprieve from winter, complete with swimsuits, flip flops, and sunscreen
• 20 dives in Palau, where we reveled in being in the water again (has it really been over two years?), saw mantas on our first dive, lost count of the sharks, and saw the strangest crabs on our night dive
• Stars in the sky, phosphorescent plankton in the water
• A hilarious Christmas Eve with the other guests, including attempts to translate joked from English to Chinese to Japanese and back, an impromptu sumo contest, and experimental drinks made with sriracha
• One of the oddest people we've ever met, and will remember forever through a series of catchphrases
• Not a single episode of puking, despite taking minimal Dramamine and going on the boat every day
• Zero email access for over ten days
• Island puppies who loved to lick the salt water from our dive gear
• Lots of reading (twelve books in eighteen days), bringing my year-end tally to 114
• Upon returning, a dog completely overwhelmed with joy and excitement, and parents who have decided that they love this new dog
• A couple of light work days, to ease back into the idea without too much strain, then a weekend to forget about it again

first class

I secretly never wanted the twelve hour flight to end.

puff

My lightweight down jacket from Uniqlo arrived just in the nick of time.

fixit

I fixed the flash for my underwater camera housing all by myself, with a toothbrush and some vinegar. And some advice from an engineer.

that moment

When you turn your out of office auto responder on and tell your phone to stop syncing with the work server.

dibs

After getting through this day, I decided that I get to sit closer to the space heater than Henry does for the evening, which makes up for the fact that we're actually getting temperatures down in the 30's at night this week.

rough day

It was a rough day, so it's probably important to note that there were some highlights: toffee chocolate chip cookies, a friend meeting Henry for the first time and saying he might be "too cute," Henry humping another office dog with complete abandon, eating leftovers from my mom for dinner.

socialites

This was a more active weekend than usual, which isn't hard, given my tendencies towards weekend sloth. Tons of errands yesterday, then a coworker's housewarming, then a couple people came by the house afterwards to hang out and have some wine.  Brunch with friends from out of town today. Not as restful as the usual routine, but lots of fun.

so special

I feel so special. I got a preview copy of Daniel Suarez's next book in the mail, it's coming out in February! Hoping to bring him back to Google to give another talk, he's a really good guy who writes bestselling techno thrillers.

like butter

Boiled artichoke, melted butter. Yum.

once a year

Thanksgiving means my brother-in-law's prime rib and my sister's bourbon sweet potato souffle. So good, even reheated.

aroo

Every evening around 6, a bunch of neighborhood dogs have an all-out howl-fest for about one minute, and then they stop.

greetings

It's pretty much impossible to go a week without meeting another neighbor or getting invited to dinner or drinks at someone's house. Today it was our neighbors across the street, an older gay couple who also offered to bring in our mail during vacation. Is this what it was like in the 1950s, but with updated political views?

short weeks

I took a long weekend last week, and thus weekend is Thanksgiving, which means only two full work weeks to go until we go to Palau!

wfh

Working from home once a week is kind of awesome. Never did it much before, because it seemed silly, given how close I lived to work, but now that my commute is a bit longer, I'm making it a thing, and loving it.

new direction

Last weekend (not this past weekend), I met up with a college friend to hear the Stanford Chamber Chorale sing a concert under the direction of our college conductor, who was a key figure in our college experience. He even remembered my last name, after all these years.

bribery

My team totally gave me some gummy candy that they had been holding back for a couple months to apologize for the amount of work they've been piling on for a big launch last week, and I'm OK with that.

separation anxiety

And then today, I reunited with Henry after our first separation in the five months since we adopted each other.

vegas baby vegas

Spent this past weekend with my sister and cousin in Vegas. We gambled a whole dollar, did some light shopping and heavy eating, and watched a show.

room service

Is there anything quite like sleeping in, and waking from a light doze because your boyfriend is bringing you a buttered toasted bagel and coffee?

hi neighbor

Next door neighbor rang the doorbell today, and I braced myself for some kind of complaint about contractor noise and prepared to apologize for whatever we'd done wrong. She just wanted to invite us over for drinks to get to know each other, which ended up lasting for over two hours.

dog god

The new house is on the chilly side, so Henry has started devoutly worshipping the space heater in the living room.

maintenance

Finally got in for a facial (after a year-long gap) and a pedicure (after a 2.5 month gap). Hoping to get a haircut before crossing the six month mark.

lightly

Finally figured out that the "light loop" on Henry's jacket is to clip on a safety light, so I got one for Henry and one for Jersey (on sale), and a headlamp for me (also on sale) for our dark winter walks. I also unpacked some night lights (and my boyfriend-notifying doorbell). Slow and steady...

it just works

Our new router doesn't have to be rebooted multiple times per day.

old is new

Today's happy moment: unpacking Henry's toys and watching him get all excited about toys he hasn't played with in weeks.

see clearly

I went to the eye doctor to get new contacts in preparation for our upcoming dive trip, and found out that I will only pay a minimal co-pay for the exam, fitting, and a year's worth of contacts because my prescription is so bad that they're a medical necessity and insurance covers even the part that most people have to pay out of pocket, even with insurance.

fan mail

Yesterday at lunch, Henry made friends with a little boy, who blew him some enthusiastic kisses before I told his mom that Henry is fine with kids and that they could meet each other up close. Dad said that at bedtime, his son asked for a picture of Henry. Henry has a fan club!

type aa

My manager told me today that the only expectations I'm not meeting are my own, and that I shouldn't try so hard to get everything done perfectly and on time, and that some stuff will drop. On one hand, it was good to know that I'm not quite as bad as I think I am, but on the other hand, I don't really know how to do less.

coming soon

Maybe it's time for a little bit of self indulgence? Ordered the Hyperbole and a Half book, as well as a Chromecast. Watched some of my favorite YouTube videos. Put in an order for Google Shopping Express to deliver some staples to the house so we won't have to schlep things up the stairs. Hopefully this will make up for the ongoing plumbing and dryer repair drama, as well as our suspicion that there are furry critters living in the walls.

corner

I think I may have turned a corner. We're in the new house and gradually checking off the things we need to do here, including a scary visit from an emergency plumber who then required backup. All of the interviewing I've been doing has resulted in one offer, which will make my life a lot easier when the person shows up. Three of my deals closed in the last couple days. There is some hope that this underwater tunnel of darkness ends.

not catching up

Work and moving logistics got busy. Both are still busy, but we made it into the new house yesterday after two miracle saves by a last-minute donation pickup and some insanely skilled movers who accomplished what three other moving companies said was impossible, the new house is lovely, the neighbors are friendly (we met more in one day than I've met in years), we ate lobster rolls at a nearby place for our first meal, the cell reception is amazing, today was our fifth anniversary, I saw four deer, the cable guy is getting us set up in the morning, our old house is clean and we're handing it back to the landlord tomorrow.

catching up

Caught up with friends after a bit of a hiatus (yay) and found out that Margaret Atwood has a new book (also yay).

seen today

You know what's cool? Hummingbirds.

this week

No matter how rough this week seems, there are at least two groups of people we can watch on TV who have it worse: the federal government, and the girls on Teen Mom 3.

lawyercat

One good thing about being in a lawyer couple is that we don't just have to take it when someone tries to screw us over. I never thought my job experience would be useful outside of paying the bills.

brown lining

The bad news is that Henry peed in his crate this morning, didn't really want to eat anything for breakfast or dinner, acted strangely at work, and had horrific gas and diarrhea today.

The good news is that once he let loose with the gas and diarrhea, his behavior went back to normal, his appetite and bladder control returned, probably because there was room for things other than poop and farts. I guess that rawhide binge the other night had terrible consequences that are hopefully done.

Poop solves everything.

wait there's more

One gummy straggler... You know my team is nice if they treat their lawyer this well.